by Jessica Gillman
What day is it? Does anyone know? I don't care, Tuesday you say. That means nothing to me in here, just another day of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and back to bed. It's going to be 80 degrees this weekend means nothing to me; maybe it'll rain, nope still nothing!
Seen a new meth bust on TV that means something to me. It means we're getting a new girl. Wonder what she'll be like. Got no mail today that means something. You planted flowers today, good, good for you, means nothing to me. I finally finished my word search today--that was my high point. Funny how you adapt to your surroundings and find meaning in these crazy things.
Days of the week used to mean something to me. Now I don't care what day it is. Is there still a world out there? Is life still going on without me? Are things changing? I've forgotten what sun on my skin feels like. What does it smell like outside after it rains? Please tell me, I can't remember. I'd love to hear the wind or see the sky. I'd love to care that it's Tuesday, I just don't. What is it like to be in your car and change the radio station, that memory is also fading (help!). Fridays used to mean payday, maybe McDonald's, what does that taste like I forget help me remember?? Because now Friday's just like Tuesday, don't mean shit in here. What's it like to hear an alarm clock in the morning instead of a guard screaming BREAKFAST??? What's it like to go downstairs in the morning, pour yourself some fruit loops, open the fridge and realize oh shit I forgot to buy milk yesterday! And to top it off you forgot to put your blue scrub pants in the dryer because Wednesday is blue pant day at work. At least I washed em. I forget what that feels like--remind me please! Wednesday don't mean nothing in here.
What's it like to know your day off is Thursday? What's it like to have plans for the day? Please tell me I need to hear it! Don't really matter to me if there's a sale at Kohl's today--nope, means nothing--days of the week don't really exist in my new world inside these bricks. I'm like a robot living by commands doing the same thing every day, functioning on a different level: damn it a new chick just left, and wouldn't leave us her socks, don't she know what that would've mean to us? What's it like to get all the way to work and realize you forgot your lunch? Or to realize on the way home you have to make cookies for the whole third grade. What's it like to feel silk instead of wool, I can't recall, but here I don't have to worry about none of these things at all.
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Very descriptive!!! This post gave me pause to consider what it must really be like to be in jail day in and day out, which sounds very, very negative and suppressive.
ReplyDeleteI found the style of this piece to be very gripping--the way the narrator goes back and forth between speculating on what it's like to be on the outside, and daily life on the inside--like the sale at Kohl's next to 'a new chick just left, and wouldn't leave us her socks...' it brings the reader in and out of life in jail, making the contrast between inside and outside that much clearer.
You are really good at describing what it feels like to be inside the jail, without actually describing it. By showing and by leading the reader on your emotional journey. I love this piece!
-from Melissa in Canada
:)
This was very powerful... powerful, poignant, and heartbreaking. The part about the alarm clock is what struck me the most. That is my least favorite sound in the world. I had never even considered, before now, that I am lucky to hear it instead of what you hear. I wish you could hear my alarm clock. I guess it really isn't so bad at all.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow when my alarm goes off, I'm going to think of you, and I'm going to thank you for reminding me not to take things for granted. And I'm going to pray that something good will happen in your day that will make you smile because it's a Thursday.
from Rachel in Portland, Oregon
Jessica,
ReplyDeleteThis stopped my heart, and I don't know what to say, other than I'm grateful that you've made me see and think about Tuesday from your perspective. Thank you.