The things we do in jail to feel and look beautiful

by Jasmin Kern

We hang our family's pictures on a cardboard that we get for our paper. Then we push a hole through it to hang it on our beds cause we are not allowed to hang them on the walls. We use jolly juice on our hair: that is jolly ranchers and hot water from the hot pot and shake it up until the melt. Then it is hair spray. We use color pencils for 3 things. The first thing is we color pictures for a little color. The next thing we do with the color pencils is make-up. We put them in hot water, let them sit for a minute. Then we use them to look good and feel good. The third thing we do is we smash them and get the lead out. Once we get the lead out we smash it up as small as we can get it. Then we put hot water from the hot pot, let it melt the color pencil lead. Then we can tie dye the white clothes that we pay for. And that is the thing we do to try to look and feel good in jail.

Memories

by Summer Jaynes

I lay in my dog cage on my bunk
looking at the broken ceiling thinking
thinking of all the good memories I have
my kids laughing, the way my grandmother smells, his arms
around me, flowers, smell of rain, the sound of life
I think of these memories every day
wishing, wanting, praying
I will have them again one day soon
The memories is all I have
They can't take them from me
They can take everything else
but not my memories
they are mine, mine only
Thank God for memories

Old Love

by Summer Jaynes

Love comes & goes
that we both know
But me & you I thought was true
You promise me so many things
one of them was that we'll be ok
Now look at us
You're with her, I'm with him
We both hate but still love one another

We can't be together forever like we used to be
It hurts my heart to see us this way
What can I say
Hi, bye, see you another day?
The kids love you, why didn't you stay?
Why did you hit me and make me this way?

Love comes & goes
that we both know
But me & you I thought was true
Now look at us
You're with her, I'm with him
What can I say?
Hi, bye, see you another day
Love comes & goes

Hard Timer

by Michael Howard

I'm watching people take what we call the grey mile. People walking in circles in this grey lighted block. Some have their heads up, trying to stay positive in the face of disaster. Although not speaking much, their demeanor says it all.

Some have their heads down, hands behind their back with a very disgusted look on their face. A look of disdain and obvious resentment. They are what we call hard timers. They are letting themselves be beaten by their charges. Something I will never let myself be, a hard timer.

Why my granddaughter is special to me

by Tina Duff

My granddaughter, Jacinda Marie, is special to me. She can make you smile no matter how bad her day. She always smiles and keeps everyone around her smiling even with the other negative things that go on around her she's happy. She's my first one out of five grandkids, and some days she seems so much more grown than I'll ever be. She is the light of my life and she's my porcelain baby. She is so fair-skinned and beautiful, always positive, always happy. She's my world and always will be.

I fell asleep reading a book about cats!

by Jasmin Kern

I fell asleep reading a book about cats!

All of a sudden I hear a knock at my door, which wakes me from a sound sleep. To my surprise, I find I'm not myself anymore. I look in the mirror and looking back at me is a cat. The brightest green eyes I have ever seen. Surrounded by the shiniest black coat of fur I've ever seen. So I jump off the bed and begin wandering around the house looking to see what I might find to eat. Going into the kitchen I find a nice bowl of milk that my boyfriend left. After drinking my fill I sit down and start licking my fur clean.

I wander around the house till I find a ball of string. I sit there and smack at it with my paws, so easily amused. After a bit I get bored so I jump up on the couch and stretch out to take a cat nap. In the distance I hear a bird chirping, I follow the sound and find an open window. I hop out the window and wander over by a giant tree. Climbing up the tree following the sound, I see a blue bird farther up in the tree. I try to catch it. But it flies away as soon as it sees me. So I liked it up there in the tree, so I curl up and fall asleep. When I wake up again I'm me. I wonder how I got up in the tree.

I got halfway down but the ground was too far for me to get to. So I waited for someone to walk by. My friend pulled up tot he house. I yell her name and she looks up and starts to laugh. "How did you get up there?" "I don't know, don't laugh, get a ladder and get me down!" So now I'm back on the ground. I still wonder how I got up in the tree.

Why I've lost and miss the most

by Rachael Harter

I miss my dogs. I miss watching them play and run in
our back yard. I miss cooking dinner for my ungrateful husband. I
miss getting up and getting a cold icy soda or beer (no ice).
I miss people...people I want to see. Not these idiots in here.
I miss my make-up and perfume. I miss my clothes and purses and oh god...
my shoes!
I miss my mom. I miss being able to call her and text her. I miss
stopping by for a visit and playing
with her dog. I miss my sister! I miss my niece, nephew.
I miss the way my husband used to look at me, before I was a
"convict-drug addict." I miss the innocence in our relationship.

Of all the things it sucks to know I took them all for
granted when I was out. I miss the opportunity to take advantage
of all these things.

Theft due to Meth

by Valentina Duff

I've been a thief, just to "geek." Why? It's what we do, just to be...We lose our loved ones, our lives, our animals, our homes. Why? Just to "geek." We get incarcerated and are able to think clear again and then we ask ourselves why? We wonder what it is that doesn't make us question why a long time ago. That's what I want to know: why? I believe with rehab that these questions will be answered. Then and only then we will no longer ask, "why?"

One of the best days of my life

by Jasmin Kern

May 28, 2006, was one of the best, happiest, and most exciting days of my life! On that day I brought Linsie, my youngest daughter, home from the hospital. I experienced so many sounds, smells, feelings, and sights that day.

The look on my oldest daughter, Alisha's, face was priceless. She was excited to be a big sister, and to finally have her baby sister at home. Alisha had the biggest, most beautiful smile on her face, when we walked through the door. There are no words to truly describe the look on Alisha's face. It was truly priceless!

Everytime I think back to the day of May 28, so many sounds I heard that day come to mind. As soon as we pulled up to the house I heard the dogs barking in the back yard, because they heard us pulling up. Once I stepped out of the car, I heard the wind howling, causing the leaves to rustle in the trees. As soon as we carried Linsie through the front door, I instantly heard my family and my daughter Alisha talking and laughing with excitement at the arrival of Linsie. Throughout the rest of the day I continued to hear talking, laughing, babies crying and even the doors opening and closing due to family and friends coming and going.

Once I got home and got settled, it was time for dinner. On that night we decided to have tacos. It felt very relaxed to be out of the hospital and able to eat some home-cooked food. My house smelled of ground beef, taco seasoning, and salsa. With dinner that night I enjoyed an ice-cold fountain mountain dew. Everything was so delicious and completely satisfying.

Untitled

by Jessica Gillman

The night before, I talked to my mom on the phone. She seemed fine, was going to eat spaghetti and go take a nap. She had just been released from prison, two days prior, after a 7 1/2-year-long sentence. We all went to bed planning our trip to the blueberry festival the next day, and I stayed up late to watch the news to see the weather to know how to dress. In the morning, my husband decided to get up early and mow the lawn before we left. He was done mowing and had gone down the road to his dad's to take the mower back. And I went back inside to eat the hashbrowns and toast that he'd made that morning. I went back outside and sat on the cold cement porch. I could smell the fresh cut grass and the cool morning air, and my dog, a yellow lab (Scooter), had been in the creek and was muddy and wet. I threw his fall far so he'd stay away from me and not get me all muddy.

I can hear the phone ringing and the answering machine come on, but no message being left. I had already locked the door so I didn't want to go back in and get the phone, but they just kept calling and calling. I could see my husband and kids coming back up the road, and I decided to go and get the phone. It was my dad, he said, are you home alone? All I could say was, why? Why? And I ran outside without my shoes on and I could feel the rough bumpy sidewalk under my feet. And he said your mom's gone. I said where? He said dead. She's dead. My knees became so weak and I ran across the yard screaming with the phone in my hand. And I fell against the big walnut tree in the yard, my forehead was pressed against the rough bark of it. I felt sick, and could not breathe. My head was dizzy as I tried to understand why my mom would take her own life? I looked up trying to see straight the red truck driving by looking at me on my knees screaming no! no! no!

He is home, finally

by Megan Sloane

I hear the sound of the metal gates open and my heart starts to beat a little faster. As I look through my rear view mirror I see the silhouette of a man. As he steps through the gates I hear them slam shut. As I watch the silhouette of this man it's slowly starting to become a real person. It's my husband. My heart starts to melt and as I think of how my body has longed to be held by his embrace I notice the old flimsy box he is carrying. I fumble around as I feel for the little square trunk release button, trying to pull my flustered self together. I finally find the courage to step out of the car, uncertain of what he will think of me. I watch him put his property in my trunk and as if the weight of the world had been taken off his shoulders he closes the trunk.

He is a free man. He glances up to see me just standing waiting and as the smile comes to his face I run to him. As I wrap my arms around him I notice the increase in the size of his arms and the hardness in his torso. As I realize the fact that I'm squeezing him tight enough to cut some circulation off, he lifts me off the ground and I am completely engulfed by the musty smell of clothes not worn for the past 9 months. And even though the smell is a little overwhelming it seems near impossible to ever let go. We finally manage to pull ourselves apart and are happy to finally say goodbye to this chapter of our lives.

Before we even leave the parking lot he has lit both of us a Red. He is playing with the plastic buttons on my not-so-up-to-date CD player and I roll down the windows just a crack to let the smoke clear. With all things a go and nothing holding us back, I reach for the gear shift and put the car in drive. My left hand is gripping the leather steering wheel with my cigarette securely in place between my two fingers. After getting the car in the right gear, my husband ever gently grabs my right hand just to feel my fingers intertwined with his for the first time in what seems like forever. As we finally start down this long stretch of highway we don't dare look back at the big prison we so desperately never want to see again.

I can barely keep my foot from pressing too hard on the gas in the desperate urge to get home where we belong. As we talk and laugh I smile to myself to see the satisfaction of the look on Tom's face. The anticipation of coming home must be enough to kill someone.

When I awoke this morning to the sound of my alarm at 4:00 a.m. and the emptiness of my bed I was somewhat dreading the very early long drive to the prison, but after dragging myself to do this dreadful task my body shakes in the excitement of knowing that by the end of this day I will only feel our bodies tangled in the silk sheets of my bed with the sweet thoughts of knowing what forever meant for us dancing wildly in my head.

Talk

Please note that Summer is now in prison, at the Rockville Correctional Facility. She is writing from there.

Talk
by Summer Jaynes

They shut the door and lock it, the lights are dim. I can hear a low hum of different voices around me. It's time for bed in other places but not here. I live with seven other women 24/7. Every night we do the same thing: talk.

Talk about how different our lives are.
Talk about our family and friends.
Talk about ourselves.

We all get very close with each other, making plans that we know won't ever happen but the thought is nice. We all laugh and smile with each other even if we're on each other's nerves. We will all listen if you have a problem, we all will be here for each other to talk with.

We are strangers from different parts of Indiana but at the same time we are all sisters. It doesn't matter where you come from, what color you are or even if you're not all there.

All that matters is...
We have someone to talk with...

Nature from the Inside

Please note that Summer is now in prison. She writes from there.

Nature from the Inside
by Summer Jaynes

I'm outside. It's such a great day, a warm breeze, sun, heating my face. I look up at the bright blue sky. There are big fluffy white clouds floating but they look so soft it's like I could reach up and touch them. They seem so close but so far at the same time. I close my eyes, take a deep breath. I can smell spring flowers. Somewhere out there I smell fresh dirt, like a tractor close by is plowing the fields. I open my eyes and look around. The grass is so green. I take my shoes off so my bare feet can feel the grass tickling my toes. It feels so nice that for a minute I forget.

I forget everything that's going on around me.
I forget my problems, my worries.
I forget where I am.

I look back up at the sky and see a single cloud floating by all by itself. I think, "It's me," floating through life by myself. When will I join the rest of the clouds, when will we flow together?

All of a sudden I hear my name: "#967695" I look up and see an officer. I come back and realize where I'm at. The officers says, "Put your shoes back on." I do. I look around and see the razor sharp barbwire fences and all the other women around me with depressing looks on their face. I realize I'm back in prison, but just for a minute--I was at peace. I was free.

A Million Dollars

by Megan Slone

If I were given a million dollars on the terms that I would have to leave this country, I would take my daughter and parents and go to Amsterdam. I would become an owner of a huge chain of coffee shops. I chose to go to Amsterdam cause I can smoke marijuana cigarettes without getting myself in trouble.

After starting my business I would be very financially stable (on top of the original million) and be able to support my family the way they have supported me. I would also send my daughter to the best school and make sure she had everything she needed or wanted. I would also be invited to all important events of the country because I'm so rich. I would also do fundraisers for breast cancer and cervical cancer and eventually donate or raise enough money to find the cure. Then they would name it after me. I would also feed the hungry and make shelters for the homeless and unwanted children...if I had a million dollars.