by Deanna Thompson
I feel this is the hardest thing here about being locked up.
Sitting--wondering, waiting, worried sick. Wondering if they are okay, if they're with someone else, if they're gonna really come to see you. Waiting--waiting for visits, mail. I don't think you really realize how important mail is until you are locked up! It's your only connection to the outside world. Worried--are they still doing all the stupid shit we were doing? You know they are, why wouldn't they be? The only reason you're not is because you're locked up!
I feel if anyone is gonna be doing a long bit of time that it would be best to come into jail or prison a free person. This would give you time to work on yourself, a lot less worries and a lot less heartbreaks. The only thing you have in here is what they tell you. If they don't come through it cuts deeper than any knife I've ever felt.
So all I can say is if you're not 100% for sure don't say you're gonna do anything because saying nothing at all doesn't hurt like saying you're gonna do something and then not going through with it.
I really hope this helps some of our people on the outside to understand how hard it really is in here.
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I think a lot of people make the mistake of thinking they don't matter, or their thoughts, cards, letters don't matter. This was a good reminder that what we do really MATTERS for othes, no matter how inconsequential we might feel we are.
ReplyDeleteA lot of people might not make the time because they don't know how much it truly, deeply matters.
Deanna,
ReplyDeleteTomorrow, I'm going to the justice building to sit with my friend while a judge sentences her. She may end up in prison for six years. Tonight, she's afraid, and I'm feeling so helpless. And I read this. Sometimes, it's hard for me to imagine that anything I do is important to anyone; but you've reminded me just how important any of us can be. Thank you; I'll do my best for her.
Not hearing from the people we love and not knowing whether they're okay is one of the hardest things I can think of. I'm offering prayers for the people who are on you mind. You're a good person to love them so much and to be thinking of them now.