December 23, 2009. I try my hardest to forget what day of the month it is. Each time I hear a Christmas song, I want to scream. My son, Jarred Walker Burchett, pops into my mind as "Frosty the Snowman" comes on TV. I picture his small, two-year-old body unwrapping gifts, having a fun time. While I sit on a cold hard picnic table eating bland tasteless food. Never in a million years would I give up my son's second Christmas by choice. I want to sit and watch his little face light up with joy as he opens all the gifts. Wrapping paper all over the floor, my dad in the background cussing like a sailor while he tries to put together the new toys. The smell of Christmas dinner filling the small house. Instead, I see no snow, no gifts, or joy. I sit along in my bunk waiting for the new year to come. I feel no need to get out of bed or make any effort. I messed up my life and now I am really feeling the effects of it. No joy or holiday cheer for me this year. If we are lucky the lunch tray may contain ham and a few other surprises. Either way I will still feel no joy. I plan to lay in bed and try to sleep the day away. It is only one more day of the year. Coming and going just like yesterday and the day before.
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This was absolutely heartbreaking, poignant and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI hope that soon she sees snow, gifts and joy once again and this painful time away from her boy is a far distant memory.
i cry as i read this, looking at my own little two-year old, trying to wrap my head around such pain, such loss.
ReplyDeleteprayers and love to jessica and her family.